The Book of Bart Page 19

  We left the cafeteria and entered the commons area.

  “Everything okay?”

  Did he know about last night? “What do you mean?”

  “From Friday night. Thanks for getting me in my car, by the way.”

  Ah. So much had happened since then. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Do you remember anything?”

  He shook his head. “Only the things I want to forget.”

  “Come on. You don’t want to carry those images around in your head for the rest of your days?”

  Jenny stood by her locker, putting away some books. To get what I needed from Monica, I’d have to do something I hadn’t done since I’d accidentally told Galileo the world was round―apologize. The revelation almost cost him his head. He was pissed, to say the least.

  I told Kyle I’d talk to him later and approached Jenny. I had to walk past Miss Evans’s class to get to her, which worried me a little. The closer I got to that room, the more I wanted to go in and rip her clothes off, but I kept to the opposite side of the hall and went by without my libido going haywire.

  Jenny slammed her locker shut. She seemed disgusted by the sight of me.

  “What do you want?”

  “I’m… I came to…” This would be a lot harder than I’d thought.

  “Has anybody told you that you don’t look as ridiculous as you normally do without that massive necklace around your neck?” She turned and walked away from me.

  I jogged to catch up. “Thanks for noticing.”

  “So what did you come to do? All I’m hearing is stammering and white noise.”

  “I wanted to, you know, what’s the word I’m looking for here?”

  Jenny’s forehead creased as she raised her eyebrows. “Apologize?”

  I snapped my fingers. “Yes. That word. I wanted to do that.”

  She slid her thumbs under the straps of her book bag. “I’m all ears.”

  “Didn’t I just do it?”

  “No, you just asked me what word you were thinking of.”

  Bless it all. I thought I’d found a way to do this and not have to actually say that word.

  “Good try, though,” she said.

  “Okay, okay. I’m… sorry. For everything. Getting mad at you, accusing you of spreading rumors about me, the whole nine yards. I was way, way out of line. I’d still like to go to Homecoming with you, if you’re interested.” That sucked. My chest wanted to explode.

  Her face scrunched together as she thought it over. “I guess you’re forgiven.”

  We rounded a corner, entering the math and science area of the school.

  “Excellent. And Homecoming? I have a tux and everything.” Never mind I already owned the tux; she didn’t need to know that.

  “Maybe. Make it through just one week without embarrassing me and I’ll think about it.”

  I’d take that as a yes. “Good. I know I can be a bit of a troublemaker, but I think I can go a week without being knee deep in some shenanigans.”

  “I hope so, because I’m serious. And don’t think I won’t know, either. I have eyes everywhere,” she said with a wink. “This is my class.”

  I said goodbye and watched her take a seat. In a week’s time, at the most, we would know Vixen’s identity. I just had to make it until Friday without stirring anything up, which seemed easy enough… even though I’d almost broken Darrel’s hand a few minutes ago. I could do this. Sam could do her Hand of God thing and make it impossible for me to do anything bad. Five days was nothing.

  My loins stirred. A powerful sexual being approached. I turned and Miss Evans stood in the hall, a wry smile parting her lips.

  Forget five days. I wouldn’t make it five minutes.

  ou’ve been avoiding me all day,” Miss Evans pouted. “Are you trying to hurt my feelings?”

  I shrugged and took a step back to ease the sensual hold she had over me.

  “Not really, no.”

  She matched my retreat with an advance, making my libido flare up again. Times like this, I wouldn’t have minded being a eunuch.

  “Did you do what I asked? I’ve been aching for you to come back to me with good news.”

  “Yeah, about that,” I said. “I―”

  “He failed,” Sam said from behind Miss Evans.

  “Failed is a harsh word,” I said.

  The teacher whipped her head around. “How? Nobody has ever―”

  “By the power of God, I order you to release whatever sway you have over Bartholomew and return his ring to him.” Sam’s hand glowed as she slapped Miss Evans across the face.

  What a sight. I’d never had the privilege of seeing someone get the power of God bitch-slapped into them. Even the sound of the slap had a power of God feel. Truly a sight to behold.

  Miss Evans stumbled back, her expression a mixture of shock and fear.

  My attraction to her dialed down to almost nothing. I smiled and held out my hand.

  “The ring?”

  She pulled it off her index finger with her teeth, then spit the ring on the floor. So hot. I knelt down to pick it up. Miss Evans kneed me in the jaw. I flew back into the lockers behind me.

  “Do you think Bartholomew here is the only one I can convince to end you?” She spat. “Maybe I’ll see what your other friend thinks about the idea.”

  “Don’t you dare.” Sam raised her hand to slap Miss Evans again.

  “You won’t know when, but one of these days, I’ll come for you. I’ll pierce your chest with their fangs. Fill you with their venom.” Her skin turned black. “You’ll have precious few seconds left in this world. And my smiling face will be the last thing you ever see.”

  The teacher screamed in such a high pitch my eardrums vibrated. Wings ripped through her shirt and horns grew out of her forehead. She rose into the air and flew around the corner, bursting through a door.

  Sam ran to chase her, but soon returned.

  “She’s gone. Miss Evans literally flew the coop,” she joked.

  I didn’t laugh.

  “I thought that was funny,” she said in a disappointed tone.

  I waggled my hand. “Eh.”

  Her gaze darted around me, probably checking for injury. “Are you hurt?”

  “My head feels like it’s been at an all-night rave, but I’ll survive.” I opened my hand to show her the ring. “I’m good. Um… gratitude for what you did.”

  I slid the ring back onto my finger.

  “You’re welcome?” Sam held out her hand. I took it and got to my feet. My hand tingled a little as she pulled me up. “You really stink at saying thank you.”

  The bell rang, so the two of us collected our bearings and went back to class while students wondered what happened to the door.

  The rest of the day flew by in a whir. I talked to Jenny a little about Homecoming, but other than that, I kept to myself until school ended.

  “Hey, killer,” Tyler called out from behind me.

  I didn’t turn around.

  “Killer.”

  I still ignored him.

  “Bart. I’m talking to you.”

  A shocked silence fell over the hallway. I stopped walking and looked at Tyler. “Seriously? You’re still on about that? That’s so last week. Shouldn’t you be engrossed in some new gossip by now?”

  “Nope.” He moved next to me, grabbing my arm. “We’re going to take a little walk.”

  I chuckled. “You’re not going to try and gloryhole me in the bathroom, are you?”

  The students within earshot burst into laughter. Tyler’s eyes darted back and forth. His face turned a fiery red. “Shut up.”

  The hallway complied.

  “If I gloryholed you, you’d have no idea until it was all over,” he said.

  “Is it that small?”

  The students broke out into a chorus of laughs again. Even I joined in.

  “Stop laughing.” Tyler seemed panicked. He pushed me. “I want to show you something.”

  “Do I need a
magnifying glass?”

  The students were in tears from laughing so hard. Tyler grabbed me by the jacket and pulled me outside.

  I threw him off. “Hands off the jacket. You know what I can do to you.”

  A sneer crept across the quarterback’s face. “And you’re about to find out what I can do to you. Follow me.”

  I crossed my arms. “I don’t think so. Last time we had a little meeting like this you tried to run me over with a car.”

  “Not this time. You’ll want to see this.”

  I remained a few steps behind him as we walked until we were within sight of the main road leading into the school’s parking lot. Darrel’s Altima came into view. I imagined ripping the car to pieces with my fingers. Clayton hopped out of the passenger side and ran around to the trunk holding a knife.

  Tyler grinned in that condescending manner only insecure bullies can master. “Now who’s laughing?”

  The Altima’s trunk popped open. Clayton grabbed Sam by the hair and pulled her up so I could see her. He held the knife to her neck. They’d bound her hands and gagged her mouth.

  I broke out in a giggle fit. “You moron. Do you realize what you’ve done?”

  The grin disappeared from Tyler’s face. He didn’t know how to react. “Wh… what’s that?”

  I stopped laughing. “You just gave me permission to kill each and every one of you. As slowly and painfully as I want.”

  I mimicked Tyler’s condescending grin from a moment ago, scratching my cheek with one of my extended claws. Sure, I probably could have ended their lives and saved Sam, but these three were too stupid to do this on their own. No, they would lead me to Miss Evans and put me in a position to destroy all of them in one fell swoop.

  The blood drained from the jockstrap’s face as he stared at the sharp instruments protruding out of my fingers. I actually thought he might pass out. He backed away from me and toward the car. “Sam’s life depends on you. Touch us and she dies.”

  “Touch you? In what way? In an… inappropriate way?” I broke out into another fit of giggles.

  “Bring us the Shard, and she might not get hurt. Hell, she’ll probably love whatever we do to her. We’ll be in… touch.” Tyler ran to the car, whose tires screeched as it barreled out of the parking lot.

  I ran to Sam’s car to follow them. I tried to open the door. Locked. I smashed the window and crawled in. I heard some fabric tear as I got into the car. Another suit ruined. I tried to hotwire the ignition, but after a minute of trying and failing, I punched the steering wheel. Too much time passed. No way I could catch up now.

  I’d have to wait for instructions from them. Patience is not one of my virtues. Having the Shard right now would’ve been helpful, but I had no clue as to its whereabouts and Miss Evans, the little vixen, would probably spot a fake with ease. I could maybe succeed in taking down Miss Evans and her whipping boys without the Shard, but there was a problem.

  I needed some help.

  I called Remy. So what if Nicholas took care of Quincy? I wouldn’t ask him for help. Ever.

  Remy cackled over the phone. “I’m done helping you,” he said. “You’re on your own. Unless you want to negotiate some sort of payment?”

  “What kind of payment?”

  “Your new Benz, for starters.”

  I hung up on his gold-digging ass. No way he’d get his hands on Sweet Claudette.

  I tried to think of anyone else to call, but any Hell-bound entities that could help would turn their backs on me when they learned I wanted to save an angel in training, even if part of the equation involved snuffing out Tyler and the two Things. I could only think of one person who might help me. Provided he didn’t try to kill me along the way.

  I knocked on Josh’s door later that night. I found myself greeted with a pistol in my face.

  I held up my hands. “You know bullets don’t hurt me.”

  Josh lowered the gun, leaving the barrel aimed at my chest. “No, but it can ruin your suit.”

  I pointed at the tear. “You’re too late. This one’s already ruined.”

  He raised the gun again. “Then another hole and a new stain?”

  “Enough. It’s Sam. The Things snatched her today.”

  Josh snorted. “Good job. I knew she couldn’t trust―”

  I fought off the urge to slam him against the wall. “I wasn’t there when they took her, so you can shove that idea right up your ass.”

  Josh let the gun drop to his side. “Is this some kind of ruse to draw me out and kill me?”

  “If that were the case, you’d already be dead. I need your help.” I lit a cigarette. “Either you’re in or out.”

  “Do you know where she is?”

  “I have an idea. But we have to get moving. Now.”

  I needed a red herring to get Sam back, and I had an idea where I could find one. Her apartment probably had all sorts of goodies hidden in there, all of which could probably serve as a nice decoy for the Shard of Gabriel. The girl would have to live with me breaking into her place, though.

  I extended my claws and used one of them to destroy the deadbolt on her front door. Josh and I walked on in.

  “I’ll check the bedroom,” I said, heading in that direction.

  Her bedroom looked neat, with the bed made up and that wretched vanilla aroma invading my nostrils. I checked her dresser first. Mostly just shirts and underwear. I found an old photo of Sam at the bottom of the underwear drawer. She looked the same as she did now, surrounded by her family. Everyone seemed happy, mugging for the camera. Even Sam. Still, I could see the pain in her hollow eyes. This must have been taken shortly before she croaked. I put the picture back and continued looking.

  The rest of the dresser drawers contained nothing but clothes. Shame. I really thought I’d find a sex toy in there. I checked the nightstand next to her bed. Just a pen, some paper, and a Bible. Gideons and angels are the only ones who keep that book in a drawer next to a bed. One of these days, I’d replace every copy in this apartment with The Exorcist. See how Sam liked that.

  I found a couple of boxes under the bed. One overflowed with books, including the Harry Potter series. Thankfully, the Twilight books were nowhere to be found. The other box had a few water guns. Hmm.

  I picked one up and shook it. Full. I sprayed a little water on the back of my hand. It burned a bit. Yep. Holy water. Thanks to the ring, my hand didn’t feel like it would melt, but it still hurt. I stashed the gun in my jacket.

  I had pretty much torn through Sam’s room without any luck until I searched in the closet. On the floor, behind a shoe rack, I found a small, locked wooden box. I destroyed the lock and opened it.

  Unbelievable.

  I should’ve been furious. All this time, the tease did nothing but lead me on. I’d wondered why she always said we were after someone who wanted the Shard of Gabriel, and not the Shard itself. Now I knew.

  “Hello, my precious.”

  I held in my hand the bane of my existence. The reason I’d fallen out of favor and been sentenced to eternity in the Seventh Circle of Hell.

  The Shard of Gabriel.

  And Samantha kept it hidden in her closet the entire time.

  gazed at the Shard’s jagged edges, a rough contrast to the smooth, green glass that made up the surface. The entire Mirror of Gabriel must have been a sight to behold. I never got a chance to see it during the War for Heaven. Now, I held a piece of it in the palm of my hand. The wisdom of God. If I looked into it, all my questions would be answered and I’d know how to get out of this whole mess without a hitch. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to use it.

  “Bartholomew?” Josh asked. “Find anything?”

  “No.” Blast it all. No questions right now. Not with Josh around. I jammed the Shard in my pocket and went into the den.

  Josh held the wooden knife he and Quincy both tried to kill me with. I stared at it.

  Josh stashed the knife under his shirt. “Figured it might come in handy lat
er.”

  I bet.

  “Good idea.”

  I’d used Frady-McNeely’s online directory to find out where Miss Evans lived. I told Josh my plan to get Sam back on the drive over to Miss Evans’s house. Provided that’s where they were, I’d be the one to knock on the front door and talk to the succubus, now that I had immunity to her wily charms.

  “What do I do in all this?” he asked.

  “You get to be Sam’s knight in shining armor.”

  Josh looked like he fought back a smile. I’d figured that would make him happy. It would also probably win him some brownie points with Sam, but whatever. If she got to crushing on him too hard, I would remind her he merely served as a pawn in my master plan.

  Miss Evans lived in a small cottage house nestled between clumps of trees. A very quaint home for a succubus that probably had preyed on people for centuries. I guess people might’ve gotten curious if she lived in some kind of sex mansion. Two cars were parked in the driveway. The Altima and a Toyota, which probably belonged to Miss Evans. What a bunch of idiots, leaving their cars parked out front. Did none of them realize anyone could find Miss Evans’s address online?

  Lights were on in a few of the windows, so somebody had to be home. Hopefully, that included Sam. I really didn’t feel like searching all over Raleigh for her tonight.

  “Let’s get our Peeping Tom on, see if we can’t figure out what’s what,” I said.

  We crept under one of the tree branches and gazed through the window into the dining room. The room was empty, except for a glass vase with flowers in the middle of the table. A figure moved past the window, making Josh jump. Miss Evans. She wore Tyler’s football jersey and nothing else. Josh’s heavy breathing misted up the window.

  I moved him back a little. “Down, boy. You want to give us away?”

  “Sorry,” he said, trying to get a glimpse past me. “I can’t help it. There’s something about her. She’s so hot.”

  “She’s a succubus. Her only goal in life is to suck people in with her sexuality and swallow their souls. So try thinking of your grandmother naked next time you see her.”

  Josh wrinkled his face. “My grandmother’s dead.”